I hate brushing my teeth.

Seriously, the shit is so boring. No one knows the exact amount of time that you should spend brushing your teeth. So, i usually sit there brushing until blood starts to pour from my mouth, this usually means that my gums have been raped and that i should stop. I always thought just scratching your teeth with your fingernails was enough to remove any plaque or build up. That is until i awoke one day with my teeth looking like a stick of butter. Guess that plan wasn’t the right one huh?

There’s so many toothbrushes and so many forms of toothpaste that are supposed to help your teeth that it becomes overwhelming. Well, i’ve decided to say FUCK brushing your teeth. just eat a few ice breakers a day and chew some gum and you’ll be good to go.

Brush after every meal? what kind of retarded shit is that? like i want to get rid of the fantastic taste of bacon grease that’s lingering in my mouth by brushing my teeth? hell naw.

Floss? are you nuts? as if me staring at myself in the mirror while bristles sweep the banana like surface of my teeth isn’t enough; they want me to drag strings inbetween them like a fucking violin player? no thanks! If gingavitis is my fate then so be it.