If you think cars are bad, what about houses?

Yup, this can be considered a sequel to my post about cars smelling bad. If you’ve ever wondered why women between the ages of 40-60 have a house that smell like cheap candles bought at a police auction, or why anyone between the ages of 25-40 have a house that smells like pussy, 3 different scents of febreze, and left over dominos pizza, then this may be the post for you.

I don’t know what people are doing now a days that have a 20+ square foot home smelling like something out of a dumpster but it’s absolutely ridiculous that in the time it takes paint to dry, your house can’t get rid of the smell.

If you walk into someone’s house, their domain, their cave, their place of solitude, the place that represents someone’s character and who they are; and are your nostrils are attacked by what seems to smell like a mix of a very old person, a 3 dollar candle that was dipped into a bag of shit, but that your parents believed would make a great present for your 23rd birthday–it’s only fair to ask WHY??

It’s a bit more perplexing as to why someone’s house, which by the way is marginally bigger than their car, can’t rid itself of foul odor. It’s like, no amount of glade plug-ins, incense, candles, powdery carpet smell good stuff, OR freshly baked pie can every take away the true smell of the home, which over time has latched itself onto curtains, hair follicles, carpet, and genital hair. Damned if I don’t walk into someone’s house with my face buried into my shirt checking my own chest out instead of having to decipher what the hell i’m smelling, and why just two feet ago it smelled like outside–because I WAS outside.

The unsuspecting person, totally used to their house smelling that way, thinks that no one else can tell, and is somewhat flabbergasted when people start making strange faces, sneezing, coughing, or just running into the bathroom to “freshen up” hoping that whatever abercrombie perfume they over-sprayed onto themselves will no doubt cover up the odor of the house.

If you somehow get the idea that this post may be about you, I challenge you to bring someone over your house and ask for an honest opinion because 9 times out of 10, it is you.

Solution: Spring cleaning, upholstery deodorizer, cum, NEW SHIT.